All or Nothing

How exactly does one “do it all”?

• Have a clean house
• Laundry that is clean and put away
• Drink enough water
• Workout consistently
• Text people back
• Invest in relationships
• Prioritize health through nutrition
• Have a quiet time
• Practice hobbies or crafting
• Spend time with your husband
• Volunteer
• Maintain ones sanity

…The list goes on and on. Oh, and don’t forget working full time on top of all of the above.

I am very much an “all or nothing” person, which is both a blessing and a curse. If I am all in on something I channel all of my attention, passion and energy into that one thing, idea, person, etc. Then life happens. It has a tendency to get in the way, doesn’t it? When it does and I can’t be 100% devoted to something, that is when I can fall victim to the “nothing” mentality. Anything that is less than 100% of my effort feels like failure in my mind and when that happens I might as well do nothing… right?

Wrong.

The last couple of months I have struggled with finding balance in this area (hence why this post is so overdue). I have had to focus on what feels like the bare minimum in order to preserve my sanity and mental health. And you know what I’m learning… that the bare minimum is okay. Doing my best with the time and energy I have is okay. I literally cannot “do it all” so burning myself out in the process of trying to be and do everything is absolutely not worth it. If something doesn’t get done today, this week, this month, etc., it doesn’t mean it will never get done or that I’m a failure because it had to wait. This season is teaching me that baby steps are still progress and slowly but surely I’ll get where I’m going.

Let me emphasize one thing: I am still learning how to be okay with not doing it all and have certainly not mastered this. I have identified and began utilizing a couple of strategies that have helped make this easier but it is very much still a work-in-progress. I still have days where I struggle with the feeling that there are not enough hours in the day, that I’m not doing enough, and can fall into the negative “failure” mentality. Maybe someday this will be a thing of the past but for now that’s not my story.

During the last couple of months life has mostly looked like work, cook, eat, clean, laundry, repeat. The school year starting has also resulted in more commitments at church, which has been great, but certainly has added to the business of life currently. Fall is also the birthday season for my family and we are celebrating a new birthday quite literally every other weekend. So fun, but again, so busy! All of these things can lead to physical burn out, whereas work and life stress can lead to mental and emotional burn out for me. Once the burn out phase has been reached that’s when I am most likely to fall into the “failure” mindset and then I get absolutely nothing done. All the while I have blog post after blog post rattling around in my head and hobbies that have had to lay aside and the unnecessary guilt builds and builds.

There are a couple key things that have helped me feel productive and have given me the flexibility to get back into blog writing and hobbies again:

1. Lists. I’ve been a list maker for as long as I can remember and without one feel so disorganized. Currently I have a personal to-do list, work to-do list, prayer list, grocery list, monthly meal list, honey-do list and a chore list all going at the same time. Recently I’ve even been breaking down my lists by priority levels 1, 2 and 3. Extra? Maybe. Helpful? YES! Evaluating my day or week and identifying what truly needs to be done, what should be done, and then what I want to get done has been instrumental in preventing the discouragement from setting in if only a few things are checked off my list.

2. A Schedule. I wrote out a schedule of what my ideal day would look like Monday-Friday as far as work, meals, exercise, chores, free time, etc. go. I almost never stick to it exactly because…life, but having it as a guide to go off of has been so helpful for me mentally. I go into my day knowing that things will need to pivot but if I can stay semi-on track that’s a win in my book.

3. Asking for help. This is the one I am still the worst at because I am terrible at asking for or accepting help. Since the day I was born I have been painfully independent, which like the “all-or-nothing” trait, can be a good thing at times. Other times, however I’m creating my own overwhelm by insisting I do everything myself. There are plenty of things on my list that are items only I can do but often times, if I really look at my list, there are things I can erase off of my to-do list and add to my honey-do list. I am so thankful that I have a spouse who is willing to help, especially if I communicate where I am at in my overwhelm with him. I understand not everyone has this privilege though and I certainly don’t take this for granted.

4. Grace. Grace upon grace always. I am so thankful to serve a God of second chances (and third and fourth and fifth, etc.). Tomorrow is a new day and a new chance to start over. I don’t need a Monday or a New Year to build new habits if I’ve slacked off or messed up somehow. I have a tomorrow. One of my favorite books is Anne of Green Gables by L.M. Montgomery and in it, Ms. Stacy says “tomorrow is always fresh, with no mistakes in it yet.”

You don’t have to get it perfect. You don’t have to do it all. Just do your best with what you have today and then start again tomorrow.